Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Music That Speaks To My Grief - Who Knew?

This is my first "Music That Speaks" post. I'm not entirely sure of the format I want to pursue for this. I believe I'll share a link to a YouTube video of the music, if possible, as well as place a copy of the lyrics somewhere in the post.

Today's music is "Who Knew" by P!nk. I like this song. It speaks to the grief that is inside of me. It is one of the three songs that helped me grieve when our last cat, Taz, died. Honestly, I was quite attached to the little guy. He had pretty orange and white fur that smelled of maple syrup. He walked on three legs part of the time, and four at other times. He had a limp. We don't know exactly when he got it, but our theory is that is from a time that my dad threw him out the front door. We loved him, limp and all.

Here's the song:

And here are the lyrics:

You took my hand, you showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh, that's right

I took your words and I believed
In everything you said to me
Yeah huh, that's right

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong

I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever, who knew?

Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
Oh no, no no

I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you a friend
I'd give anything

When someone said count your blessings now
For they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong

But they knew better
Still you said forever and ever
Who knew? Yeah yeah

I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we, until we meet again
And I won't forget you my friend
What happened?

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong

And that last kiss I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes it harder
I wish I could remember

But I keep your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling, who knew?

My darling
My darling, who knew?
My darling I miss you
My darling, who knew?

Who knew?
[From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/p/pink-lyrics/who-knew-lyrics.html]

I acknowledge the fact that the song is romantic. It speaks to my grief at missing someone. It speaks to the holes that people (or cats) leave behind when they leave. It helps me realize that is is OK to miss someone. It is OK for me to miss seeing Taz, and miss the way he felt/smelt/walked/etc. It's OK for me to miss and grieve over friendships that, in my judgement, 'didn't work out'.

The song applies also to my grief that I have around friends that I once knew. There are many men who have entered my life, and blessed me with their presence. Sometimes I was too afraid to be myself with them. Sometimes I was too afraid to share who I really was or how I felt. Sometimes I simply enjoyed being around them. Generally, I felt attracted to these men.

Then, for whatever reason, they left. Maybe it took months, maybe it was years, in one case, it was only a matter of hours before I felt like the person had left me. Sometimes it was for a girlfriend or marriage; sometimes he or I moved out of state; sometimes we just drifted apart.

The reason or situation ultimately doesn't matter. At one point, I was with them, and I felt fulfilled and happy. And then they left. In some cases, I felt like the person would never leave. Secretly, I hoped in my heart that Taz would never die, or that it would be the next year that he would die. Secretly, I hoped that my friendship with whomever it was would stay forever the same. If someone would have told me things would change, I probably would get angry. I may even want to punch them out.

Yet things change. Friendships fade. People move away. People move on to other things. Cats die. Who knew?

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