Wednesday, October 26, 2011

If I'm Lucky, I'll Have Friends Who...

Shortly after getting out of a meeting, I was walking back to my desk alongside a co-worker of mine. He just barely came onto my team from another team. A group of co-workers from that team approached us and started to talk to my co-worker, inviting him to lunch. I felt really awkward. The man talking was someone that I knew as well and I judge that he and I have some kind of friendship. I knew many of the other guys from the group as well. After all, I'd played Ultimate with them a few times. At one point, I almost opened my mouth to ask where they were going. Maybe I did, I don't remember.

Finally, I decided to walk back to my desk to drop off my laptop. Then I went to the break room to see to my lunch. The break room was full of other people heating up there lunches, so I walked back to my desk. Both times, I walked past the same group. None of them said 'Hello' or 'Hi', but then again, neither did I. As I walked back to my desk, I thought to myself "I guess I wasn't lucky enough to be on a team where people go to lunch together."

I realize I do this a lot with my life. I rely on some kind of external influence, in this case 'luck' to develop friendships. If I was lucky, I'd be on the right team, or in the right place, or meet the right person. I would have lunch buddies if I was lucky. I would have gaming buddies if I was lucky. I would have people to do things with.

Really, it comes down to me making the opportunities. If I want friends, shouldn't I pursue it? Sure, sometimes an opportunity for friendship randomly plops itself down in my lap and says 'HI!'. Many times I've ignored those, especially if they require effort on my part. I just take a passive look when it comes to making friendships. Perhaps because I'm too focused on the fact that the other people didn't invite me. I guess I assume people don't want me around if they don't invite me.

Anyways, on the other hand, I do have friends. I do have people to do things with. Honestly, I feel like I want more. That makes me feel greedy and ungrateful. Although, being single, the only social life I have is friendships. Can I blame myself for wanting more? For wanting to fill my life with it?

1 comment: