Thursday, March 28, 2013

Music that Speaks to Me: Jesus, Friend of Sinners

I'll just preface this, by saying that I really relate to the first verse of this song.

(You'll have to watch this one directly on YouTube)

I'll admit to a deep dark secret.  I'm a very judgmental person.  In some ways, I am idealist.  I have idea of how thing are supposed to be and how people are 'supposed' to act.  I find myself pointing the finger of judgment to the people around me.

That person should not have made that left turn!
That person ran a red light! (Traffic violations tend to be a pet peeve of mine)
That person took advantage of me!
The people around me don't befriend me!
That person just won't leave me alone!

Just some examples of the sort of things that go through my head.  I often find myself repenting in the car and feeling guilty for judging the people around me so harshly.  Perhaps that judgmental attitude keeps me from getting close to other people.  Instead of opening my arms to help, I'm pointing a finger at them and keep them at bay.

I've been trying to be aware of this.  Instead of thinking that a person is an idiot for running a red light, I try to say 'That action was idiotic."  I try to separate behaviors from the worth and goodness that people have in them.

I'm one to complain that people in the church aren't very Christlike, that they are judgmental, unfriendly, and distant.  I am a hypocrite.  I am the one that is mean, judgmental, unfriendly, distant, and cold to the people at Church.  If I want the church to be Christlike, loving, and friendly, then perhaps I should be the one to be loving, kind, and friendly.  Perhaps if I am that way, I can make a small change in the world.  And that small change would be me.

Feel free to leave comments, questions, confessions, etc, below.  Comments are moderated, but I read them all.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

My Strange Dreams - Night of 21Mar2013

I'm surprised I even slept!  I went to bed late, and woke up at 2.  I couldn't figure out for the life of me for the longest time, with my sleep fogged brain, why I was waking up.  Then I realized it was because I was super hot!  After resolving that, I collapsed into sleep again.

I dreamed.

It was snowing.  We were all out shoveling our driveway.  The next door neighbor  and elderly couple, was out there shoveling too.  My mom stated that she wished she had a snow blower like the couple next door.  I looked over and they were shoveling   I commented on that.  Finally, when we were nearly done, the couple got out their snow blower to blow off what little snow was left on their driveway.  I thought it was funny they were doing it like that.  It was warm, and the snow was melting everywhere.  I took a big pile of snow, and threw it off into the middle of the street.  My little brother picked up another pile, and was about to throw it onto our grass when I said 'No!  Throw it out into the street!  It will melt faster that way'.  So he did.  We finished throwing all the piles of snow into the street.

My little brother and his wife and I were all going to some kind of play/choir event.  My little brother told me that he had set me up with a girl, and that she was pretty aggressive.  I went and sat down next to her.  I remember she had long, straight brown hair and was wearing jeans.  As soon as I sat down, she said 'I wish I was having a back massage.'  I looked at her and said 'No thanks'.  I was feeling a little ticked off because she was being so forward.  Then she just turned in her seat and placed her legs into my lap.  I was quite shocked and angry at that.  Again I said 'No thanks'.  She then sat up.  She looked pretty angry too.  She leaned in close to me and said 'Wouldn't it hurt to let someone in close?  Are you afraid of being hurt again?' At that point, I felt my anger dissolve into sadness and hurt.  I told myself that she couldn't understand, and I tried to think of how I would explain why I felt so hurt and cared about close relationships.  Eventually, I just got up and left.