This post is the third final post in the 'Names I Have Gone By' series of posts (See Part 1, Part 2 for the other two parts). In this post, I will tell you my real name.
First, I am afraid of writing this post. To reveal my true name means that I can't hind behind the mask of 'Simon' anymore. I will be exposed out to the world, to the public for the first time in my life. I'm afraid of the ramifications. As I drove home today, listening to KLOVE, I finally felt prompted like it was time. What's the worse that could happen? Well, honestly, I could be beaten, killed, persecuted, yet all of those things would be but a small price to pay to be free of having to feel like I'm living in the shadows. It's a small price compared to having to hold back on telling my friends about this wonderful blog I've started. It's a small price to pay to be one step closer to have a fully integrated and whole life, a life in harmony with my Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and my fellow man.
My birth name is Andrew.
What does it mean? Andrew means 'manly' or warrior. I always found the name to be terribly ironic while growing up. I hardly ever felt manly and I definitely don't feel like a warrior. Still, it is my given name. Oddly, even thought I never felt like it fit, I've never adopted any nicknames associated with Andrew like 'Andy' or 'Drew'. I've always stayed with Andrew.
Really, as a write this, I realize that I am a different sort of warrior. I may not be strong, or one to do battle for my Lord, nation, or family in a physical sense. In many ways, I am a warrior of the heart. I do battle on spiritual and emotional fronts that many men chose not to fight, or choose to run away from. In some way, I am manly because I choose to face the reality of what is going on with me in my life.
I am Andrew. I am a son of God. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints or the 'Mormon' church. I experience same gender attraction. I am an avid lover of games of all sorts. Those things are ultimately a small part of who I am. If you're reading this blog for the first time, take the time to read the other posts. Other than most of the 'My Strange Dreams' posts, you'll probably learn a lot about me that you never knew.
I am Andrew. And this is my blog.