My Strange Dreams - Night of 21Mar2013

I'm surprised I even slept!  I went to bed late, and woke up at 2.  I couldn't figure out for the life of me for the longest time, with my sleep fogged brain, why I was waking up.  Then I realized it was because I was super hot!  After resolving that, I collapsed into sleep again.

I dreamed.

It was snowing.  We were all out shoveling our driveway.  The next door neighbor  and elderly couple, was out there shoveling too.  My mom stated that she wished she had a snow blower like the couple next door.  I looked over and they were shoveling   I commented on that.  Finally, when we were nearly done, the couple got out their snow blower to blow off what little snow was left on their driveway.  I thought it was funny they were doing it like that.  It was warm, and the snow was melting everywhere.  I took a big pile of snow, and threw it off into the middle of the street.  My little brother picked up another pile, and was about to throw it onto our grass when I said 'No!  Throw it out into the street!  It will melt faster that way'.  So he did.  We finished throwing all the piles of snow into the street.

My little brother and his wife and I were all going to some kind of play/choir event.  My little brother told me that he had set me up with a girl, and that she was pretty aggressive.  I went and sat down next to her.  I remember she had long, straight brown hair and was wearing jeans.  As soon as I sat down, she said 'I wish I was having a back massage.'  I looked at her and said 'No thanks'.  I was feeling a little ticked off because she was being so forward.  Then she just turned in her seat and placed her legs into my lap.  I was quite shocked and angry at that.  Again I said 'No thanks'.  She then sat up.  She looked pretty angry too.  She leaned in close to me and said 'Wouldn't it hurt to let someone in close?  Are you afraid of being hurt again?' At that point, I felt my anger dissolve into sadness and hurt.  I told myself that she couldn't understand, and I tried to think of how I would explain why I felt so hurt and cared about close relationships.  Eventually, I just got up and left.

A New Perspective - 18Mar2012

I've had a really interesting change of perspectives lately.  I've been experiencing a lot of feelings of numbness lately.  It something that comes and goes and thankfully has been spending more time going than coming the last week.  Two things have been on my mind a lot.  One of them is friendship and the other is plans that I have for my life.

As for friendship, I've found myself over the last few weeks (arguably months) worrying over the fact that I didn't have any closer friends.  I've been thinking back to all the people I've met at college, at previous work places, at places like Journey Into Manhood and Evergreen, and wondering why I hardly ever hear from any of those people. 

I have a tendency when I think about this to first start to feel angry toward the other people.  I start to blame them for no sort of friendship forming.  Then I start to shift all the blame to myself.  I start to think that I didn't try hard enough, or that something is wrong with me.  I start to think that I was either too uninteresting or that I scared the person off.  Lately, I got a huge piece of insight into this.  I realize that one reason I was struggling with having any feelings of a close friendship is because I've been too absorbed in my own problems, faults, and struggles.  I've been very emotionally needy and draining, in my judgement.  I judge that I've been scaring away, pushing away, or simply ignoring potential friends and possibly alienating myself from existing friends.  I sometimes wonder if being too needy and demanding on past people has led to friendships either not forming, or causing other friendships to fall apart when I got disappointed with the other people.  Ultimately, I've decided that I need to take a different approach.  I need to focus more on being my own friend.  I need to get to know myself, do things with myself, and learn to enjoy my own company.  I have a feeling that will have a positive effect on my friendships with other people.

The other thing that has been bothering me is the fact that I don't have any 'big plans' for my own life.  I see other people who are ambitious in their careers, who have plans to buy houses, get married, go on trips to other places.  I sometimes wonder if there's something wrong with me to not have plans like that.  My plans typically are short term and it's usually invitations to do things with other people or things that just 'need to be done'.  I think that somehow over grown up, I've lost to ability to dream, to imagine, to have hopes about the future.  I feel like I've spent a lot of time being adrift, going along with the flow of life, and not working toward any kind of future goal.  I honestly feel apathetic about plans for the future.  I don't seem to care what will happen to me with my career.  I just live from one day to the next, without any expectations or hopes for the future.

I had an impression in church today that was very helpful to me.  Someone in Elder's Quorum was sharing how one of the General Authorities had taken some time to embrace and comfort him.  I was struck by the love that the General Authority had shown for the man.  It reminded me of the fact that God gives everyone callings to grow.  He's given to some people to lead the entire church and to others to do other things in His church.  The fact is that the calling I have is one that will help me grow.  It encourages me to interact with the other men in the ward.  It calls me to step up and be bold.  I got the impression that my purpose and goal in life should be to get back to live with Heavenly Father, and to be like Him.  My primary goal in life is not to have a great career, to visit a certain place, or to have so many friends.  My primary goal is to live like Jesus Christ, to grow in love toward to my fellow man, and to love myself as Heavenly Father loves me.  That is a purpose and goal that I feel passionately about.

So, maybe I don't have big plans for the future, maybe I don't feel like I have friends that I could call 'BFFs'.  I definitely do feel I need to have a more serious and loving relationship with myself and with my Heavenly Father.  I can see how that would extend to my relationships with everyone around me.  I feel happy to have a sense of hope and joy about the future and an increased feeling of peace in the present.  I feel more ready to face the world with all of its joys and trials.  I feel grateful to have a new perspective on life.

Music That Speaks To My Resolve - Give A Reason

I've recently finished watching an anime series called Slayers (I watched the original, Try, Next, Revolution, and Revolution-R, basically everything on Hulu).  Each of the episodes has an opening and closing song.  I thoroughly enjoyed the series.  The characters seemed have a life of their own.  Each one kept on fighting (sometimes with some encouragement by their friends) despite the odds or the tragedies that happened to them.  Overall, it was a powerful story on the triumph that can come when someone keeps fighting.

Today's song comes from the opening of the Slayers NEXT series.  The title is 'Give a Reason'.  Alas, it's in Japanese, but I'll shared a link to it here:



I'd love to give the lyrics, but alas, they are in Japanese.  I'll share part of a translation here:
Things are moving so fast
The moments ticking by.
I'm running through this city
To me, a savanna.
Like it's struggling
Trying to break free
I wanna test all this power.

I know that "The Answer"
Is out there someplace.
The answer that everyone looks for
From the day they're born.
When all looks lost and there's no escape
I turn to my dreams!

I'm not afraid of getting hurt
But I'm not strong, either.
It's just that I can't stand
Just doing nothing anymore.

Here we go, go!
I'll just run on
And let nobody stop me know.
I wanna find the me in the future
And give her a reason for life!
(Translation was taken from the close captioning for the series on www.hulu.com).

I love this song.  It has a lot of energy and is very enthusiastic.  It reminds me of a recent realization about myself that I've had: that I'm resilient and much more durable than I used to think I was.  I've been through a lot, and I've yet to lay down and completely stop fighting and struggling.  Even when I fall apart, I somehow find the strength to keep going through.

I had a really discussion with a friend about the fact that I've come out publicly on this blog.  I realize that it was really risky situation.  When I made the decision, I realized that I was tired of hiding behind masks, and that I was tired of doing nothing.  I wasn't so much afraid of being hurt further, as I was of continuing to live in pain and shame.  I decided that I was going to stand up and fight, even if it meant possibly drawing more challenges and grief into my life.  As the song lyrics state, I just couldn't stand by and do nothing anymore.  On a related note, I gave my friend a piece of advice.  He's been struggling and I said that he could take some advice by how video game characters react to struggles.  They take time to feel their emotions, work through things, talk about them, and then they keep on fighting.  They always keep struggling.

On a related note, sometimes the struggle I have is to let go and let Heavenly Father step in to help with my life.  Sometimes the struggle is to stand up for myself, even if it's something I haven't done in the past.  Sometimes the struggle is to step into situations that are risky and unfamiliar.  Sometimes it means battling my own thoughts to have thoughts that are elevated and uplifting.

On a personal note, things have been difficult lately.  The procedure that I was worried about was far more pleasant than I imagined.  I'm a bit sore from that.  Outside of that, I've been fighting off the tail end of a cold.  It also feels like I've been challenged in spiritual ways as well.  But like I said before, I'm going to keep on fighting.

On a Slayers related note, my favorite character from the series is Xellos.  This could be major spoilers.  Technically, he should be a villain but often helps the heroes for his own reasons.  He is very powerful, but likes to act via manipulation.  He is very knowledgeable but he doesn't always share everything he knows with the heroes.  One of his iconic lines is 'That's a secret'.  In the later series, the characters start to say it for him.  Hilarious!

My Strange Dreams 3Feb-4Feb2012

I drove my car to the end of State and 5300 S and parked in a lot and then ran a race.  When it was done, it was overcast and I was no where near my car.  I needed to find a TRAX station so I started to walk to where I thought the nearest one was, somewhere west of the freeway.  A man I knew started to walk with me.  As we walked, I realized that I had no shoes on.  We climbed up on top of a really old stone building and I commented that this looked like something out of a video game.  The buildings were slanted sideways and very blocky.  We walked to the edge of one and realized that we were really high up, and needed to climb down.  It was raining, so my friend slid down a broken part of the building.  I wanted to follow, but I was angry because he had shoes on and I didn't.  Finally I found a way to slide down.  We had to squeeze around a large car and then we arrived at a friends house.  It was another man that I knew and he let me inside.  I saw his son, who apparently had some kind of mental disorder.  After a moment, I realized that my friend didn't have a shirt on, and it shocked me.  I was asking him for help, and he went off into his bedroom.  I followed him and noticed a tub just to the left that had just started to fill with water.  My friend was coming back out of the bedroom, and I moved back out of the way, thinking he would be angry that I started walking into the bedroom with him.  He came out and I had to help him begin to draw an imaginary map of Salt Lake on the wall.  He then indicated that I was going in the wrong direction.  Another friend of mine came in, and took his shirt off.  I was surprised that he had lost his tan.  My first friend than gave me a hand shake good bye and I went to give the other friend of mine a hug, and he said 'No thanks. I'm not into that.'  I felt rejected and walked outside with my hood up.  It was raining outside and a car had just pulled up into the driveway, and was backing up.  Then there were two more cars.  All of them had open sides and were chock full of people cosplaying as characters from the Lord of the Rings.  I could see a Gandalf, a Frodo, and others.  They were going to honk at the house and try to get the time to put on their car.  I told them that I didn't have a watch on or my phone, so I didn't know what the time was.  I then asked if they would be willing to take me to the TRAX station.  I had to explain what it was, and they finally, reluctantly agreed to take me there, so I got in the car.

My Strange Dreams 2Feb-3Feb2012

I was on a ship, and we needed to infiltrate an island.  There was a walkway/base of sorts that was built up in a spiral around the island and I needed to take out all the guard without causing any attention.  They gave me a gun, and I thought it was really stupid.  I swam over, careful to avoid being seen by the first guard, and then started to sneak up a ramp, using a giant shoe as my cover.  Then I took aim and tried shooting the guard in the head, but he dodge out of the way.  Then I shot him a few more times in the body before hurrying to the next guard.  I took him out but he was harder.  Then the third one was too hard for me to hit with my gun, and he was shooting me.  I was using my arm to deflect the bullets.  Finally, I decided it was too rough, so I decided to flee.  I jumped down into the water and was expecting to hit the bottom.  I started to get a horrible sinking feeling and panicked.  I needed air, so I used my magic to shoot myself up through the water where I could finally breath.

My Strange Dreams 1Feb-2Feb2012

I had a dream that I was searching for a hidden item of some kind.  I was running through an area when suddenly I was controlling a character and punching my way past some guards.  I wondered why my character wasn't using his sword, and then he pulled it out to beat up another guard (who looked like one out of the Aladdin Disney movies).  As he beat up the guard, a little percentage thing appeared, eventually going up to 50% and the guard was slammed against a wall.  Suddenly the guard became flat and small.  My character mimicked it, spun around, and suddenly looked like the guard.  Then he went hopping out of the room.  I ran across a big empty room, and realized I would need something else.  I grew an elephant trunk and jumped off a ledge, using the trunk to grab a hold of a round plastic thing that was embedded in the wall.  I was then hanging by both hands from a small hole in the wall.  I had to go to another one next to me, so I reached over and pulled one of the plastic things out.  Then I jumped over to that one.  I did that a few times until I was able to get something.

That's when my family showed up, and they were admiring what I had done with the wall.  My mom wanted to take my pictures and I needed some to show to the family I was living with.  She opened up the vertical blinds out to a porch where she would take my picture.  She stood inside and I went out on the porch.  I leaned against the railing and looked into a the sun, thinking about how epic the picture was going to look.  My mom laughed, and said something about how hard it was to take a picture through the blinds.  She brought the camera super close to my face, and I could hear the camera click a few times.  I turned around, and saw a bunch of people and a wide open plaza from Brazil.  I told my mom we should get a picture from there, although I was worried all the people that were in the picture would want copyright.  I turned the other way to another big plaza, that was empty, and thought that would be a better picture.  I turned back to the populate one, the bus station and started to walk toward it.

I was swimming with another really long fish.  Or as a long fish.  I went up and down, trying to get away.  We came out of a cave, and suddenly there were three sharks in front of us.  I quickly turned.  Then the fish I was with had to go see his mother, but I couldn't come close.  The first time, his mother had been in a really deep, dark part of the sea, and I couldn't see her.  This time, I could hear her speak and could see her.  She looked a bit like a cardboard box labeled computer.  My friend fish was talking about how he and I didn't have very many memories of our mother. I then thought that we may have been created by the computer and given false memories.  Then my friend said that he had to speak alone. He turned into Inuyasha, and used his super long white hair to pick me up and throw me in a room.

Inside the room was Lina, Amelia, and Gourry. We all sat around waiting for a friend. Suddenly he was in the room and had changed his form to look like Zelgadis.  Apparently, we had to fight, so he and I had a magical duel.  We did that so that his mother wouldn't be suspecting anything.  Then we had to walk outside of the room, and his mother was there waiting for us with some guards.

I had gone back in time, and I was in a low tech hospital.  I had to be very careful with the magic I had so that I wouldn't cause any havoc.  I decided I didn't care and started to cast a fireball, when a random Asian guy jumped out of nowhere and used a fireball to counter mine.  Then I pointed my fingers at him and shot some more magic at him from a few of them.  I started to use a Dragon Slave, but I couldn't remember all the words to cast it.  He tried to fireball me, but I shrugged it off with a secret defense shield I had cast earlier and threw my own fireball back at him.

I was coming out of a grocery store to my car, and realized that I had left the passenger side back door open.  Another man was parked in a red car and was watching mine. I realized that he was a stalker and had found me.  I carefully closed the open door, got in mine and took off as fast as he could to my group.  I knew that if I drove fast enough, he wouldn't be able to follow me.

Then I was in a backyard.  I could hear dog barking coming from small wedges in the ground, where a lower level was.  I could hear a man yelling at the dog to be quiet.  Then I looked up, and he came out of a fence.  He was a fat man, with a mustache.  He stalked away. I remarked at how the part of his yard was no where near his house.  I decided to climb up to another area where a horse was standing.  A dog was underneath the horse, sniffing it's underbelly.  That's when I started to pet the horse, or I wanted to.  The horse turned it's head toward me, and I was worried it would bite me.  I wondered how the horses face looked so human like. Then it spoke to me, in a high voice, about how it wanted to give itself a haircut.  It grew a shaggy mane. I then turned back to the horses head and had a fright when an eye was peering at me from the middle of its forehead.  It kept talking, and suddenly it had many eyes in his head.

***

As a post-dream analysis, I've probably been watching too much Slayers (That's where all the magic duels, Zelgadis, Lina, etc come from).  The wall hanging and punching is obviously from Uncharted, a video game. I have no idea where the creepy horse with eyes came from.

My Strange Dreams 16Jan-17Jan2012

I was pulled over by a cop.  I have no idea why he did.  He came up to my window and said that I needed to get a job. I was upset.  I already had a job that paid rather well.  He handed me a piece of paper that had some pictures with numbers underneath.  It was folded so that each picture was on a fold.  All of the pictures represented a different job I could get.  I was supposed to replace my current job with one of these.  I mentally protested to myself, saying that my software job was good enough.  I unfolded the paper and the front was some kind of clothing store catalog.  I tried to fold the paper back up, but it only seemed to fall further apart.

My Strange Dreams 14Jan-15Jan2012

I tried to run away from something and I ended up getting captured.  I was taken into a room where a really big guy was supposed to torture me.  Instead, he went into the room with another captive that was more dangerous than I was.  Somehow, I could tell the guy really wanted to be touched, yet it hadn't happened very much in his life.  I reached in and briefly touched his shoulder.  Somehow he mentioned holding, so I decided to ease into it and I put one of my arms around the guy.  He seemed to be enjoying it.  Later, he and I went out walking.  We were supposed to go somewhere.  I noticed that I wasn't restrained in any way.  Somehow I was on an honor system not to take off, but I was planning on ways that I could ask for help without getting caught.

After talking with some guy, I needed to get the engine in my car replace.  He said he would do it for $350.  I finally decided to do it, and I drove my car into the shop.  After some just walking around, the guy said he could do it, and it would cost $425.  He wanted the sum in either $1 bills or quarters.  I was shocked at that.  I told him I couldn't possibly do that because I didn't have the resources.  He relented and said he could probably do $10.  I thought that was a bit more reasonable.  Then he told me he would need 10 hours to do it.  I was shocked at that too.  It was already about 10 o'clock at night, so I didn't know who to call that could pick me up and take me home until I could come back for my car.   Finally, some of my friends parents picked me up.  Before I could ask them what I needed, they took off with me in their car.  We drove for awhile west, and the father was saying something about how we had missed a turn.  We made a right and were pulling into a car wash area when one person nearly ran over another person that was walking.  Finally, there was an opening so we started to pull up into one of the stalls.  I was freaking out the whole time because I had to get back to let the guy know he could start working on the car.  As we were pulling up, we passed the person who nearly ran over the other.   She was a lady with a really creepy face.

My Strange Dreams 6Jan-7Jan2012

I was running up to a town with another man, when suddenly a dragon's face appeared.  The man I was with yelled about hiding because of what the dragon was about to do.  That's when the dragon breathed fire in the shape of a bird.  Quickly, we ducked down behind some stone to dodge the flames.  Then I started to run away.  The dragon was about to breath the same fire in the shape of a bird thing and I didn't know where to hide.  I spent about a minute trying to decide if some stones would protect me but I jumped and hid behind them anyways.  I remember it being really hot.  Then I kept running.  Suddenly, little dwarves were attacking me.  I remember twisting sideways and dodging.  One of their spiky balls on a chain flew just in front of my face.  I thought about how good I was at dodging them and then I ran into the building.  I was horrified to find that the enemies in the building where standing electric fans.  I remember knocking them down.  Finally, I grabbed one and was using it to knock down the other fans as I ran through the corridors of the building.

I was in a friends house and we had just finished playing a game of some kind.  We were just about to leave when some of the guys started pounding on the piano and yelling really loudly.  That's when an old landlord knocked on the door and said 'Hey, I thought only two basses and a tenor lived here.  We're going to move you into the upper left because you're so loud.  the rest of you, leave'.  I quickly picked up a small TV that was part of my computer and took it into the car.  I drove off toward the freeway exit and realized right as I was getting on the exit, that I had forgotten my TV.  I quickly got off of the onramp, but the road I was on was only a one way road...and I was going the wrong direction.  I quickly swerved around a car, and then kept going, suddenly in a place where none of the roads would work and I wasn't able to make a U-turn.  I finally found a small road that looked like it was part of a trail system.  I veered off to the left and made a U-turn around and was heading back in the right direction.  There was another car and I saw that the guy in it was really good looking and there was a brief flash of him being shirtless.  I wondered if he really was shirtless, or if I was just imagining it.  I stopped at a game store and went inside.  That's when two of my friends from my support group showed up.  They were smiling and sort of goofing off.  I finally went back to my car and one of my friends was standing right outside my driver door as I got in with a phone camera.  I thought that was weird, and then turned and saw my monitor in his car.  I was exicted that my friends had picked up the rest of my computer for me.

I was in some plains throwing firebolts at mammoths, and then these dinosaur creatures that also had little men that were apparently very strong.  I remember I had just barely unlocked something that let me stun monsters when I doublecasted firebolts.  I thought it was pretty cool because I could fight a whole group and they couldn't get close to me because I kept stunning them.  It was a pretty hard fight.  I remember one point holding up my mouse, pressing both buttons and threatening the monsters with it.  Then suddenly Bayonetta came out of nowhere and was using wicked weaves to kill one of the monsters.  Then we were fighting angels together, Joys specifically.  I was using my firebolts and she was using her wicked weaves.

----

Apparently, I played way too much Skyrim last night before going to bed...or I enjoy throwing firebolts at monsters in that game a little too much. :)

My Strange Dreams 27-28Dec2011

I was with a group of people in a building.  I suddenly got the idea to have us all look out the window at the night sky.  We did, and it was beautiful.  There were stars everywhere and the moon was shining.  As I looked out and around, I saw endless rows of beautiful rolling mountains.  I started to comment on how glorious it all was, and how wonderful it was that God had made the world so beautiful.

My mother, father, and I were trying to get somewhere on time.  We had to get to a rocket.  My mom was trying to get one last thing ready before we went.  My dad kept saying how we would be late.  I was climbing up a latter onto the roof to help my mom, who was retrieving a book.  The roof was steep, so she was pushing it along with her arm, while she pushed herself along with her leg.  I thought that was a good way to do it.

I was in an old home way back, a hundred years ago.  I had traveled back in time to help someone.  I was in the house with an lady.  I was sitting down when she made eye contact with me, and asked me who I was.  I rose, shook her hand and said my name (Woah, nearly spilled some beans there). She asked me where I was from.  I knew that I couldn't tell her the exact truth so I said Germany, because I was born in Germany.  Or I told her that my family was from Germany.

I had gone with another man to go pick something up, and we were going to be late getting back to the rocket before it launched.  We had about 10 seconds and we were running.  I told him to hold my hand, because I was going to use my power to make us both run faster.  He grabbed my hand, and then expressed surprise at how fast we were running.

Music That Speaks To Me - Where Are You Christmas?

Christmas is coming up soon.  Along with it, there are many different Christmas songs that I've come to enjoy over the years.  Some of my favorites "O Come, O Come Emmanuel", "O Holy Night", "Angels We Have Heard On High."

One in particular seems to relate with how I've felt about Christmas the last few years.  It's "Where Are You Christmas?"

Alas, I couldn't find a YouTube video that I could embed, so I'll just have to settle with a link to the song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdoMRT5smHc


Lyrics:

Where are you Christmas
Why can't I find you
Why have you gone away
Where is the laughter
You used to bring me
Why can't I hear music play

My world is changing
I'm rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes too

Where are you Christmas
Do you remember
The one you used to know
I'm not the same one
See what the time's done
Is that why you have let me go

Christmas is here
Everywhere, oh
Christmas is here
If you care, oh

If there is love in your heart and your mind
You will feel like Christmas all the time

I feel you Christmas
I know I've found you
You never fade away
The joy of Christmas
Stays here inside us
Fills each and every heart with love

Where are you Christmas
Fill your heart with love
[Taken from: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/faithhill/whereareyouchristmas.html]

I honestly don't know when it began.  At least when I was still going to college, Christmas was something that excited me.  I still could touch with that little kid feeling of excitement and wonder.  I've felt this Christmas season, as well as the last, that I don't get that sense of wonder or awe that I used to feel.  I used to feel so enchanted and enamored with it.  I feel like I've lost the Christmas spirit over the years.  The dreams have slowly slipped away.

The cause?  I believe I've become to focus on the 'how' of Christmas, the little logistical details to help the day go 'smoothly'.  I have some family members that seem to focus on trying to make the day as 'perfect' as possible.  As such, it turns into a stress-fest.  The day becomes just another day focused on to-dos.  As such, I'd rather spend time away from family to avoid that stress.

What is the true Christmas spirit?  I believe it is the spirit of Christ.  It's the spirit of love, of giving, of family, of warmth, of light, of acceptance.  I will always be in awe of Him, the only one of us to grace this planet, and live a perfect life.

This song helps touch on both sides of how I see Christmas.  On one hand, there's the 'Where did the spirit of the season go?'  On the other hand, I can see and feel the spirit of Christ.  I think children naturally can tap into that spirit.  As I've gotten older, and gotten further from the innocence of youth, I think I've let that true spirit of love slip away.

That's probably why I've always wondered where Christmas went.

I think this year, I've started to get it back.  But like anything in life, it is a process.  I'm still learning to love and to give freely.  And that is what this time of year is all about.  No, that is what all year long should be about.  The spirit of love and of giving is a spirit I should seek out all throughout the year.  Christmas is just a convenient time to be reminded of the path I need to follow in my life, the same path that Christ took when he was here on the earth.

The sense of the magic of the season, the wonder, the awe, and the excitement may not be something that will come back.  However, I do believe that I can receive the spirit of the season, the spirit of Christ.  That is something that will not fade away.  That is only something that will grow stronger over the years.

My Strange Dreams 21-22Dec2011

I came into a room, and there was a man there drinking some kind of yellow alcoholic beverage.  I remember being slightly annoyed with it, because the guy was going to be sleeping in the same room as me.  I then remember thinking that I could probably handle it, because I'd dealt with drunk people before.  I was just worried he would get angry.  He already was kind of grumpy.  He wanted something other than what he was drinking.  He rooted through the pantry, and picked up a few boxes of cake mix before putting them back.  I thought that he may want cake mix, but he didn't want what was there.  We went out of the house, and me and another person walked along a cement steps while the drunk guy cut across the grass.  I thought to myself 'Ah, the alcohol must be removing his inhibitions'.  We walked through a forested area.  There were a lot of dead leaves on the ground.  I could see one of our cats walking away, with his tail pointed in the air.  Then we ran across another cat, poking through the leaves.  I tried to call it, and it turned and hissed at me briefly.  I left it alone.  We finally got to a building, and the drunk man was searching through it.

We were at a table, waiting for our food to come in.  When it did, people were grabbing the plates of food to the left of what they ordered.  I had to correct them.  I had a friend to my left who was grabbing a piece of food instead of the can of Pepsi that he ordered.  We were leaving the table, and I had his can of Pepsi.  He was complaining that he wanted his Pepsi, so I shook up the can, and made another can for him.  Later, my friend was trying to do something, and I stretched for my power and enabled him.

I had a dream I was driving my Prius, and a strange light came on the dashboard, and suddenly the car became very hard to drive.  The light looked like a planet with a ring around it.  I got out of my car, and a man pointed out that my two rear tires had gone flat.  I got back in, and kept trying to drive.

My Strange Dreams 20-21Dec2011

I was playing a game of Magic. One person had a card that they played at the beginning of the game that made each player flip over the top cards of their libraries until they revealed four land cards.  If it was a basic land card, it would go into play, otherwise it would go into their hand.  Any instants or sorceries were put into the graveyard.  I remember all  of this because we discussed how the card was working.  Anyways, there were about six people playing this game.  The guy on my left had really long hair and a long beard.  The man on my left was a friend of mine with red hair.  I remember when it was my turn to flip over card, I was able to put one more basic land card into play. I had an island and a mountain.  I remember that I had really old cards, when the guy to my left had really new cards, and I was embarrassed that I had such old cards.

Then Kermit the frog was singing "Rainbow Connection" and I knew I was about to wake up, but I forced myself to stay asleep because I wanted to hear the rest of the song.

Anyways, here's a link to it.  It's a good song!

My Strange Dreams 19-20Dec2011

I was in a room in my house, trying to get some work done.  There were a bunch of blankets in my chair.  I decided to leave, and was in a hallway of an apartment complex.  I didn't feel like continuing to work, even thought it was only 9 o'clock.  I was having a real hard time focusing on the work I had to do.  I carefully avoided one of the women that worked there, and went into a bar/cafe of sorts.  I sat down across the table from a woman, and started to talk to her about some crazy weird powers I had picked up.  As we talked, one of my friend's wife's sisters came into the bar and sat down as well.  We started to discuss the new powers that she had picked up.  I asked her out of the blue if she had read 'Alloy of Law' by Brandon Sanderson.  She said she hadn't yet.  I brought it up because the powers we were picking up seemed to parallel alloymancy.

Suddenly, I realized that some bad men were going to be hunting me down because of my powers.  I quickly left the cafe and started to use the power I had, which slowed time down for everyone else.  I started to move quickly down the street toward the place I lived, which was now a four story hotel.  I kept glancing toward the backs of the houses, trying to see my pursuers.  I knew it was painfully cliche for me to return home if someone was hunting me.  I got into the hotel, and tried to get into the elevator.  I tried to push floor 3, and the elevator took me to the 4th floor instead.  Angrily, I tried to hit the 3 button again, but I realized that it wasn't there.  I remembered that the elevators only when to the second floor, so I went down the second floor.  I was sure the bad emporer had already discovered where I lived.  When I stepped out onto the second floor, I quickly found an elderly woman who worked for the hotel.  I admired the red carpet and pretty railing.  A bunch of well dressed people were all around.  I asked the woman where the stairs were.  I thought they were too the left, but she said they were to the right.  I started to walk, and she tried to come with me as if it leave me.  I turned and said I didn't need her help.  I started to walk away, activating my powers to walk quickly.  I was worried that my use of my powers would start to attract unwanted attention.  I went through a doorway of sorts and was starting to try to find the stairs.  I could see different numbered rooms, and I finally found the stairs hiding behind some curtains.  Instead of stairs, it was an escalator, which I climbed to the third floor.  I started to move to my room, when I noticed someone was following me.  It was a man, about in his forties.  I wondered how he was following me, as I was trying to move fast.  He indicated that he could augment his body to keep up with me.  I then turned and rushed toward my room.

When I got to my room, one of my old managers was getting there as well, trying to use a key.  He was frantic and worried about me.  I told him that I was alright and that I was trying to escape.

Then I was in a grassy area.  Two of my co-workers there, both of whom I was attracted to.  I remember looking at the one I felt more attracted to, and started to plan how I could use my powers to either see him naked, or touch him without him knowing it was me.  I remember looking at an analyzing him while I was talking to him and the other co-worker.  I thought if I moved quickly back and forth, that I would be invisible to people who didn't have powers.  I remember noticing that the guy was really aroused, and then he was changing his pants to get into a swimming suit.

Then I was in an underground training room with Shikamaru.  I was mostly trying to run away from him, but he could keep up with me.  I wondered how he could tell I was using my powers, when I was only using them to enhance me.  I tried to get him to tell me if he could tell if I was using my powers either way I would use them.  I then noticed a whiteboard with my name on it, and a description of my powers and what I could do with them.  I remember feeling pleased at this.

My Strange Dreams 18Dec-19Dec2011

I had a dream that I knew two little kids new some information about their mother that I really needed to know.  One was a boy and the other was a girl.  They both had big, dark brown eyes.  I remember asking the little girl a question, and as she responded, I knew she was making up a story to try to confuse me.  I knelt down to her level and asked her again, and I could tell by her eyes, that she was lying to me.

I was in the back of a house, when a paladin came out of the front of the house.  I was sure that the man was there to capture me or kill me, so I started to run away from the guy.  At the front of the house, he finally said that he was the new second counselor in the Elder's Quorum, and that he didn't want to capture me.  I finally decided to circle back to see if he was telling the truth, but I didn't trust him.

I was standing around the counter island in my parents house, and I was telling my dad and my little brother a story about when I dreamed about being chased around by a paladin.  I told them how a man with a sword and a shield came out of the house to chase me.

I was on a plane, a plane that we would be sky diving out of.  We were on it just to get a feel for what it would be like on the plane.  I was bored, so I went to go sit by the pilot.  I strapped myself in, and that's when I learned I was in the 'sky diving' chair.  The pilot decided to give me a try for it, and suddenly my chair was flung out of the plane.  The chair was attached to the plane by some thin, clear plastic lines.  Only two of them.  I was terrified.  We were flying really close to the ground, near some kind of resort.  I could see some people that were also sky diving, and they got to sit in these nice metal chairs with orange backs.  They would sit in them until they jumped out of the chairs.  We were flying over a lake, and we got too close to some balloons and the lines from my chair caught them.  Then the pilot turned the plane so hard that the roof of my mouth hurt.  We were flying past a river boat, and some ladies commented on how I was turning too fast.  Then we got back to the station and got ready to make a real jump.  I finally figured out we wouldn't be going on our own.  The guy I was with jumped out, and then we were falling.  I remember seeing two other people holding another person who's parachute was broken.

My Strange Dreams 12Dec-13Dec2011

There was a woman who was apparently half tree.  She took us to meet her mother tree.  We could touch the tree and hear what it had to say.  We were trying to figure out which of the trees trunks was the real tree.  The mother tree looked like a pine tree, but there were multiple trunks that reached up to the sky.  One of the kids pushed on the trunk, making it move and sway.  That's when the tree screamed at us to stop, because we were hurting it by pushing the trunks around.  I then wondered how a human and a tree bred.  As I was busy trying to make sense of it in my head, the dream ended.

I was building a white angel deck for Magic the gathering.  I tapped four plains from two different stacks and casted one.

I was going to a movie theater with a friend of mine.  As we waited in line, the doors closed because the movie was starting.  Everyone thought they were out of tickets, except my friend, who pushed me up to the front where a man had a few tickets in his hand.  I quickly bought one.  Inside, I started to move past the concessions area.  Another friend of mine was petting something furry.  We got inside and sat down to watch the movie.  After the movie we were driving back home, and I was all alone in my Prius.  I was turning off of 3300 S in Ogden to try to get home.  I saw a man run across the street.  He had left a group of colorfully dressed women who had their faces covered.  The man was dressed in a white, robe like thing.  I assumed that they were Muslims.  I heard that the man had found them work somewhere on 21st street.  I decided that I could probably give them a ride if they didn't have too many people.  I turned right, then made a U-turn.  It took forever to make the U-turn because there were so many Muslim people crossing the street, and so many cars moving slowly down the road.  Finally, I made the turn, and the guy ran out in the street in front of me, signaling for me to stop.  I talked with him, and tried to ask him how many people I had.  I told him I had seats for four, and maybe five.  I looked over and saw a drink carrier area that I could stow away to make a fifth seat.  The man looked angry at me.  He said that he needed seats for each of his people.  He said something about no lap seats too.  Finally I drove off.

Then I was back in Brazil with my family.  My mother was excited to be seeing all the sights and the sounds.  I was elated to be back as a tourist, instead of as a missionary.  I thought I would be able to see all the cool sights and sounds.  A local man started to talk to me in Portuguese, and I responded in Portuguese too.  I told him I hadn't seen most of these things before.  He wondered why.  I said I was a missionary the last time I was here.  He asked again why I hadn't seen things.  I struggled to find the right vocabulary words. I eventually said that missionaries should be saintly and should preach and speak of Jesus.  While we were talking.  We were watching group after group of Indian people come into an area, do some kind of performance/worship and then move on so another group could come in.  Finally we left that, and were driving.  We drove down into a tunnel that went underground that was also apparently an underwater tunnel.  We could see a display of sorts set up.  Apparently we were driving underneath the library.  I was in awe at how many books there would be.  As were we getting near the end of the tunnel, we saw a display of Muppets.  I thought that was funny.

I was then somehow disguised as a woman, in some kind of fashion design class.  Apparently I was trying to infiltrate it somehow.  A very uptight woman was talking to us about what we had to do.  Eventually, she sat us down.  I was sitting at the end of a row of about 4 other woman.  They showed us a series of 5 part-mannequins, each which was wearing a different article of clothing.  One was wearing a tie, the other some kind of super short shorts, another with shoes, one with boots, and the other with some mid-calf length pants.  All of the example clothing on the mannequins was a swirl of blues, browns, and oranges.  I saw there trying to figure out what kind of tie I would design, and eventually decided that a plain brown tie, like the one I had at home, would be just fine.  That's when a man, who was apparently from the palace, came to talk with us.  He was going to be our representative there.  He came to say hello to us.  He took my hand and kissed it.  Then he let go of my hand as if to move on.  Then he grabbed my hand, kissed it again, and said something like 'Go away'.  then he kissed my hand again, and said something flattering.  He did it again, and again.  I started to blush, and wonder what I would have to do to make this guy leave me alone.  I said 'Obrigado' (thank you, in Portuguese), but he still kept kissing my hand and trying to flatter me.  I tried squeezing his hand.  Maybe I wasn't holding it firm enough.  Finally, he let go, and then squeezed my arm.  He gave me a funny look.  Somehow he had felt the muscles I had on my arm, and was suspicious that I was not a woman.  In my best woman voice, I said something about how I had worked out and my arms were inflamed a bit.  That's when the boss woman said something about there being dirt on my sleeve.  I looked over at my sleeve, which was apparently my pajama sleeve, and I saw some dirt caked on it.  I said something about being out and about, and how I maybe had brushed up against something.  Then it was time to design the clothing.  I looked back at the mannequins, and decided to design some boots.  I could decide if I wanted them to be knee length zipper boots, or if I wanted them longer.  I was excited to be designing my first pair of womanly boots.  The woman next to me then made a comment about all the new shoes we would get.  "A woman can never get enough shoes," she said.  That's when I looked back and all the mannequins had changed to feet mannequins, and they all had different kinds of shoes on them.  I groaned inwardly but agreed with the woman.

My Strange Dreams 11Dec-12Dec2011

I was on some kind of cruise ship, and there was a spa area where they did massages.  I thought that working there was pretty hard.  Apparently someone told me that something else in the spa was harder to do.  My shift was over, so I wanted to go to the game room which was down a few flights of stairs.  I came out onto the floor and started to head to the game room.  I thought it was odd that I didn't see anyone around.  I looked, and I could see two popcorn making machines that were full of popped popcorn, but looked undisturbed.  I went ahead and grabbed a bag and started to eat it.  Again, I thought it was odd that I didn't see anyone around.  I walked down some steps, and started walking around on a white floor.   Then a small metal thing began to move.  It had a coiled top, and many legs, all made of metal.  I realized that it was something extremely dangerous, so I quickly smashed it by stepping on it.  About then I realized that I was on the abandoned fourth level.  I got worried, so I started to climb up the stairs.  Then, a mass of writhing metal tentacles appeared behind me.  It was the Metal Dragon.  It was going to catch me and kill me.  I quickly started to run away.  Then a refrigerator opened, and a friend popped out and told me to get in.  He then closed the door.  I quickly ran up, and pulled the door open.  I got into the refrigerator and frantically closed the door behind me.  I hoped that the Metal Dragon wouldn't find me there, and that it would be able to reach the rest of the ship.

That's when I woke up, terrified, with my heart pounding like crazy.  It was pretty hard to fall back asleep after that.

My Strange Dreams 6Dec-7Dec2011

I was with a group of co-workers, and we were having to fight of a horde of..something.  One of the doors we had gone through was just about to burst open when a co-worker and I rushed over to push on it.  I wasn't strong enough to really help out much so the monsters go through.  So I zapped them with something.  Then we were able to escape one another of my co-workers, who could talk with plants, made a vine shoot out from one of the trees off into the distance.  All my friends jumped up and started to run along this vine.  It was only about as big around as my thumb, and they were all running along it just fine, like ninjas.  I tried to follow, but I slipped, and I had to quickly go hand over hand along the vine.

The vine darted around a corner into a building.  We all jumped off and went inside.  It was the place we had been looking for.  Because we had taken the vine, it would be harder to track us because we hadn't left any foot prints.  We came into a dark room that had some plants that would sort of light up the area, but only immediately around them.  In the center, there was a mass of vines that could only been seen every so often in the flickering light.  The co-worker that could talk with plants went forward, despite my protests.  I had been trying to send a small swarm of sparks into the area to try to light it up better.  The vines in the middle entangled him, and he started to cry out.  We were all worried to get closer because we didn't know what the vines were doing.  I finally got close enough, and he pulled free.  He muttered something about how the hope of the plants were too strong for him.  Then he said the plants had cried out because Juggernaut had started to hurt them.  That's when our enemies showed up.  I rushed to the entrance and saw two women in black coming toward the entrance.  I threw up a lightning shield to try to discourage them from coming into the room, but they walked right through it.  They laughed at me and showed me a metal amulet they had that protected them from my powers.  I got angry and made a sword out of lightning.  The woman just laughed, and then I swung, cutting off a part of her head.  I thought that was pretty gruesome.

My Strange Dreams 4Dec-5Dec2011

I had a dream I was at a family party of sorts.  There was a pool all around the outside part of the house.  I went for a swim in it, and discovered that there were three sharks in it.  One was a long, blue shark.  Another was a red kite-shaped shark.  The third was a blue and white hammer shark.  A friend of mine that I know from some support groups came up and told me that I had to kill one of the sharks.  I wasn't sure if I wanted to try it or not.  They swam past and they all avoided me, but the hammer shark turned around to give me a funny look, as if he knew something was up.  Again, the friend told me I had to kill one of them.  I didn't want to try to kill the hammer shark while he was in a group.  I tried watching them to see if they would split up enough for me to attack him.  Then the sharks said that they had to go patrol other houses.  The long blue shark and the red kite shark both left.  That's when my friend came up again, holding a red kite shaped plastic thing.  He said that if I used that, the hammer shark would think I was his friend before I attacked him.  I remember walking around a bragging to my family about it, but I never got around to actually attacking the shark.

I went inside, and there was all sorts of delicious food.  There was some tasty granola.  I remember trying to try a little bit of each and loving everything that I had to taste.  I then walked out into the back part of the house.  Some people were sitting around in chairs.  One man had his shirtless back to me and it was all sun burnt.  I remember feeling a sense of anxiety at seeing the man.  I recognized him.  I was attracted to this man.  I started to move sideways to try to get a better look at him, when he turned around.  I could see he had hair all over his chest and his stomach.  After a few moments, he put a sleeveless shirt on.  He was for a moment a man I met at Evergreen conference.  Then he was a man from my old singles ward in Layton, Utah.  I felt a sense of curiosity because I'd never seen the man take his shirt off before and I had always been curious of what he looked like.

Then I was driving in the car.  The driver was a man from my fraternity (who recently was married) and an old college room mate (who had the same first name as me, but was bigger than me, so he had the nick name "big <insertmynamehere>").  As we drove, we were talking.  Somehow the subject of homosexuality or same gender attraction came up.  The driver didn't seem to care, but my old room mate seemed to be looking at me suspiciously.  He even seemed to be a bit hostile.  Somehow, I knew that he knew.

We came to a gas station.  There were about four rows of four pumps.  Everyone drove in in the same direction and came up to a large wall just after the last pump in the row.  We pulled up to the last pump and I commented on how difficult it would be to get out of the gas station.  My fraternity friend said 'Indeed'.  The next thing I remember was that I was writing to a paper in Arizona about same gender attraction, and how it wasn't some evil, terrible thing.

Then I there was a little girl (one from the family I live with) and she was bugging me about what points were.  She held up two small bags with little round black things in them.  I told her I didn't know, and to go ask her parents.  She then moved into the bedroom to ask her parents, who were both still asleep.

My Strange Dreams 1Dec-2Dec2011

I had a dream I was in some kind of large building with a bunch of other men.  We had met together for some kind of retreat.  Apparently, I either had to prove something, or I just wanted to hit some guy with some animal crackers that I had.  I threw them at him, but it bounced off of a shield that he had.  So, I started to fire so more at him from a plastic container I had.  I was firing them at different arcs.  Bouncing them off the floor, but I never seemed to manage to get any of the animal crackers to explode on him.  They would either miss, or fall off before they could explode.  He taunted me that I couldn't touch him with the animal crackers.

I had to leave, so I got in my car to drive away.  I vowed I would hunt down which cubicle he was in, and pour a whole box of animal crackers onto him.  Either that, or I would sneak one down the back of his shirt.  Then I got out of the car and walked into the house.  As I walked in, I saw my mom and another man.  Apparently there was a new security system in the house, but they couldn't find the card that would disable it.  I asked my mom what it looked like and where it was.  It was a small white business card, and it was somewhere between my knee and waist heightwise in a room in the house.  I started to look around the room we were in.  At one point, I got caught on an opening that wasn't quite big enough for me.  I searched a room, then a laundry room. Then I had to crawl under a desk to get into another room.  I was apparently just a little to big for the table I was crawling under.  I got caught and said 'Ouch!'.  Then I managed to wriggle past the point where I was stuck.  I entered into another laundry room, only this room had a many washers and driers along the wall.  I searched the room and thought of how much of a pain it would be to escape from the room when I was done looking through it.  I wondered why my mom had such a low table blocking the entrance to the room.