tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-716783477219330688.post5556107151135636917..comments2022-01-09T17:16:41.423-08:00Comments on You Don't Know Me: Underneath The Armor - A Status Update 11Jan2012Andrew Ahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03638554382888308671noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-716783477219330688.post-26739551226127240452012-01-11T17:25:05.020-08:002012-01-11T17:25:05.020-08:00This sounds a lot like something I would have writ...This sounds a lot like something I would have written back when I was a closeted Mormon boy at BYU. First of all, your attractions aren't evil. They don't make you evil. You're not evil. I'm sure you've recognized this in one of your "layers," but you don't seem to really accept this at your innermost layer, which is where a lot of your loneliness, depression, and detachment comes from. I don't know who you are, but I do know that you have something to offer. Everyone does. Even if all you do is smile on the outermost layer, that's in itself a service to others. A smile goes a long way. I don't know how many times a gesture as simple as a smile made church infinitely more bearable for me.<br /><br />"What is it that I need," you ask. I can honestly tell you it's not Heavenly Father's love. You're already getting that. YOU need YOUR love. You need to treat yourself the way Heavenly Father would treat you. Treat yourself the way you'd treat a friend or even a lover. When you're judging and deriding yourself, stop and ask yourself out loud, "Is this how a loving God would talk to someone?" "Is this how I'd talk to an important friend?" "Is this how I'd talk to my precious lover?"<br /><br />If you haven't already read it, I recommend you read Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns. It helped me a lot in developing strategies to stop self-abuse. Your therapist may have heard of it. I suggest you ask him about it.<br /><br />On a more personal note, I was never able to reconcile being gay and being LDS. You mentioned in another post about the possibility of living openly as a gay Mormon. Being a person that sees rules in black-and-white, this was not an option for me. I NEVER thought I'd ever be brave enough to leave the church, but in a desperate attempt to reclaim my life, I have and I've been so much happier. No, I didn't leave for some boy. In fact I have never had a boyfriend or had sex. After weighing out all the pros and cons, I made a very conscious and deliberate decision to see if I could be happier without the church. It was originally just an experiment, but I've never felt more true to myself and don't see myself going back. The reason I share this is not because you should do what I've done. You need to do what's right for you, but you also need to know that there are an infinite number of paths to choose from. Do what makes you happy, you deserve it.<br /><br />Good luck in your journey. I know it's a tough one. From my experience, I can honestly say that it does get better.Benhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08175153474572340487noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-716783477219330688.post-34237616699386138492012-01-11T17:21:06.681-08:002012-01-11T17:21:06.681-08:00Have you ever talked to a therapist? You're a ...Have you ever talked to a therapist? You're a BYU student, aren't you? I *highly* recommend going to the basement of the WSC and setting an appointment to talk with someone. It's totally free and the people who work there are wonderful. It's really an awesome deal, and I think it would help you a lot.Trevhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03258097334170692217noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-716783477219330688.post-67999705716727093422012-01-11T17:12:51.895-08:002012-01-11T17:12:51.895-08:00I'm tired of all of the emotions I go through....I'm tired of all of the emotions I go through. I just want to be close to people, especially other men. It seems so impossible at times. It's frustrating beyond anything else. Always wanting what I can't have, or what is denied me. I know how you feel.Tylerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02523312664916896073noreply@blogger.com